Spaghetti… and Other Messes

I've never liked spaghetti.

Don't get me wrong, I've never turned down a bowl.  Come to think of it, I’ll never not eat food that's in front of me. But I'm not here to talk about my complicated relationship with food and my body. We'll have to save that for another post.

Spaghetti has always felt so… bland to me? Sure, on paper it sounds reasonable. It’s meat (or meat alternatives for plant eaters like myself) and noodles married together in a hearty red sauce. It's warm, shareable, and inoffensive. But a dish engineered to appeal to the maximum number of people, as cheaply as possible just feels so deeply uninspiring. Spaghetti is what you make when you don't know what else to make. It's what you cook after a long day because you don't want to order out. It's what you offer to bring to the office potluck because it's cheap. Spaghetti is the wet beige towel of food. It lacks zest and it’s starved for any inkling of identity or direction. It's what ChatGPT would make if you gave it hands and said "create the most innocuous but vaguely Italian dinner possible."

I've been calling this chapter of my life (the past four months) my “spaghetti era.” …and I think it’s about time you and I had a chat about it.

I loved my life on the road and the freedom that came with it. I still dream of getting back out there every single day. But, for the past year, my life lacked serious direction, and, because of that, I still lack direction and now… well… money too. Before you scroll away: this is not a GoFundMe post. This is not a sob story. I have a roof over my head, my fridge has food in it, and Balto and I are healthy — and that is more than enough to be grateful for.

But when I started this journey, I made a promise to be as transparent as humanly possible and share my most authentic story with all the ups, downs, and the strange in-betweens along the way. Right now, my life is full of in-betweens. I'm running a self-made content creation business… sort of. I'm back in an actual house in Denver but no real lease to my name and no defined reason why I'm here. My new part-time job is applying to jobs, hoping to find a way back on the road and fund all the ideas I have for what Road Rat can become — for both me and you. I've taken random side gigs, unpaid brand deals, and just about anything else that makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, my life has direction again.

This chapter feels like throwing spaghetti at a wall and seeing what sticks. And while throwing food at a wall does tend to make a mess, it also tells you a lot about how your noodles will turn out. Are they tender? Cooking evenly? Does they need a pinch of salt? (Yes, they always need more salt)

Here's what I've been avoiding for four months: I fucking hate spaghetti.

And I don't think I'm alone in saying that sometimes life can feel bland and uninspiring.  Sometimes, you’ve got to throw everything around and create absolute chaos, just to get unstuck. Chaos doesn’t have to be bad, sometimes it can feel like a release.  Sometimes, the only way to find inner peace, is to sit back and watch everything swirl and unravel around you.  If a loved one passed away, you wouldn’t try your hardest to not cry, would you?  If you go through a rough break up, would you deny yourself that pint of ice cream?  Look, obviously there’s balance with these things— you can’t eat ice cream every night, you have to try to heal from the loss, and you can’t keep throwing spaghetti around forever. 

But sometimes you do just need to sob like a baby to let it all out before you can calm down and find clarity.  Once the dust settles, and you dig deep, I bet you already know what you want or what needs to change.  You’re just too afraid to say it out loud.

If you've been feeling stuck lately, here are four things that have actually helped me without all the mess of making a boring bowl of spaghetti.

TIP 01

Resist the urge to fill your time.

Whether you're between jobs, relationships, or just generally feeling lost, there's a lot of outside pressure to stay busy, get back out there, and keep searching. These aren't bad instincts — if you want to feel completely burnt out.

The human mind is remarkably good at trying to solve problems. In fact, your brain is actively searching for them basically all the time.  That evolutionary trait drove our ancestors to migrate, build tools, and outrun predators. But you're not your ancestors, there's no lion about to attack you, and now you just have problems sleeping and sitting still.

When life feels uncertain, we grasp for structure and things to do. We go to shallow happy hours. We binge mediocre shows. We doom scroll. All of this to keep ourselves busy and the ‘everything’s a problem I need to solve’ thoughts at bay.  But what if you invited those thoughts in for a little intervention?  To do this, try scheduling intentional time to do nothing instead. This isn’t laziness but rather nonjudgmental, curious stillness. Go for a walk, sit outside, maybe meditate. Try to actively feel the discomfort. Notice what it feels like in your body when your brain grasps for something to do or think about. And when you inevitably get distracted, gently bring yourself back to the present.  What are you seeing/hearing/smelling/touching? It won't feel good at first — but neither does a full-body workout, or finally finishing your taxes. The results come later.

**dont get it twisted: if you’re prone to apathy and complacency like me, this isn’t your hall pass to rot in bed and do nothing but feel bad about your situation.  Intentional leisure time is incredibly important, and very different, from self-loathing in the name of ‘self care’.

TIP 02

Find ways to feel small

When you're feeling stuck and your brain shifts into problem-solving mode, it's easy to feel like the changes you want to make in your life are massive and impossible.   But when have you ever in your life not figured something out? (Go ahead…I’ll wait.) Your life doesn’t change overnight, but the best first step to get unstuck is to break yourself out of your normal routine. Finding new ways that remind you the entire world is so much bigger than your world, is a great place to start.

Research shows that when we intentionally seek out experiences of wonder and awe, our problems feel less overwhelming and we feel more connected to the people, plants, and places around us. This can be incredibly rejuvenating.  That time you didn't spend ruminating actually gave your brain the rest it needed to come back with more energy and a fresh perspective. Summit a mountain, people-watch at a coffee shop, admire the sunset from your window. Do whatever thing you can— big or small—  that actively evokes the greater context in which you exist. Life gets a whole lot lighter when you’re reminded that you belong to something so much bigger than yourself. 

TIP 03

Stop optimizing for other people's approval.

Here's the thing about spaghetti: it exists to please everyone. And somewhere along the way, a lot of us learned to live like that too — we tend to make safe, crowd-pleasing, inoffensive choices because it's easier than feeling all that friction of admitting what we actually want.

Being the most likable, cautious version of yourself has a cost. It feels like comfort and a sense of belonging at first, but it leaves you with the painful side effect of constant ‘what if’s. What if you did that thing “someone like you” would never do?   What if you quit that job?  Sent that text?  Said hello to that stranger?  I like to call this timeline hopping.  These acts are simple, yet uncomfortable at first, but they can change everything…and I encourage you to try it for yourself.

To clarify, being more authentically you doesn’t mean you have to immediately ‘burn everything down’. Although, take it from me, burning everything down will certainly teach you a lot in other ways.  But it can also just start by asking yourself honestly: “Am I doing ____ because I want to, or because I'm afraid of what happens if I don’t? - because this is what I’ve always done? - because this is what everyone else does?”  You don't have to answer out loud. But you do have to ask yourself this question if you want to get unstuck.

TIP 04

Change your attitude? Change your latitude — literally.

Sorry, as a Florida-native, I had to throw in a Jimmy Buffet reference. Okay, but seriously, here’s the thing, Your brain is on autopilot 99% of the time.  If you're feeling stuck, try doing one thing to shut off cruise control and change your environment.   Go to a new park. Work from a coffee shop you've never been to. Drive to a grocery store on the other side of town. It sounds almost too simple, but a new physical context can shake loose new thoughts and perspectives.

And if you have the means,  take an actual trip. It doesn't have to be far or for a long time.  Even a night somewhere new has a way of reminding you that the world is bigger than whatever problem has been living rent-free in your head.

I hope you find these four tips useful. If it’s not abundantly clear yet, I’m not perfect, and therefore, these tips aren’t perfect either, but as a human being on this Earth, I feel it is my duty to share whatever experiences I have to help others as much as I can.  I feel incredibly passionate about bringing people closer to nature— the very thing we think we are separate from.

If you find yourself stuck at a crossroad, you’re a fan of big resets, and you’ve been curious about what life might be like on the road.  I have a year of experience I’d love to share with you!  I’ve helped nomad-curious folks just like you plan— and execute— their wildest dreams.  Shoot me an email: drew@roadrat.co.

Nomadic dreams aside, if any of this at all resonated with you, I'd love to hear about it. I'm building Road Rat from the ground up in real time.   I’m still throwing noodles at the wall to figure out what “it” is— but  one of the ideas I keep coming back to is creating a safe space for people who are nomad-curious to actually try it on for size. Think guided retreats or a few days out in the wilderness, learning the real logistics of life on the road, finding community with likeminded individuals, and learning what it feels like to exist with just the essentials. If that's something that interests you, or if you just want to talk through where you're at in your own personal nomadic journey, reach out.  I mean it!

Thank you again for reading and following along.  You can always find me @4WDrew on all socials. Slide into the DMs, leave a comment, or tailgate along for the ride.

And as always, adventure is for everyone! I’ll see you out there.